Retired People

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. 

Well for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop.  We were only in there for about 5 minutes.  When we came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. 

We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on man how about giving a 
Senior citizen a break?’  He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. 

I called him a Dumb #\/$.  He glared at me and started writing another 
ticket for having worn tires .

So Mary called him a %*@/head.  He finished the second ticket and 
put it on the windshield with the first.  Then he started writing a third 
ticket.  This went on for about 20 minutes.  The more we abused him, the 
more tickets he wrote. 

Just then our bus arrived. 

We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. 
It’s important at our age.

Bible Salesman

A preacher concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles.  While checking the church storeroom he discovered several  cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately-needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louis all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.  The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles.  But he had serious doubts about Louis who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.  Poor Louis stuttered badly.  But, not wanting to discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles.  He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were the minister immediately asked Jack, ‘Well Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last  week?’  Proudly handing the minister an envelope Jack replied, ‘Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles.  And here’s the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.’

‘Fine job, Jack!’ The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand.  ’You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.’

Turning to Paul ‘And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?’
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied ‘I am a professional salesman.  I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s $280 I collected.’

The minister responded, ‘That’s absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you.’

 Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said ‘And Louis, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?’  Louis silently offered the minister a large envelope.  The minister opened it and counted the contents.  ’What is this?’ the minister exclaimed.  ’Louis, there’s $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church door to door in just one week?’

Louis just nodded.  ‘That’s impossible!’ both Jack and Paul said in unison.   ‘We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could.’
‘Yes, this does seem unlikely’ the minister agreed.  ’I think you’d better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louis.’

Louis shrugged.  ’I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,’ he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted.  ’For crying out loud Louis, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!’

‘A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,’ Louis replied, ‘W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks —o-o-o-or— wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??’

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones?  They still are